I've reread Petersburg these last nine days. Funny how the memory can fade. Recall a word - Away. Sunrise - orange, blue-hued - comes in, goes again...Outside comes in, goes again. The simulated year - less words are needed now, just looks. I'll be older, and I'll understand you, that dream. Wilson. Panels on repeat. Saw the same actions, the same consequences, in sequence. Recall a word - Glaze. Recall a word - Away. In January - I can hear them shuffling chairs upstairs. It's nice to know where you are at 11pm. Fall 2019, Fraser cuts open its seams, tumbledown to January. Its nice, but now I can't stop laughing. Funny how recall goes away. Ace had that dream: Base of a tower, rested on his shoulders, held the balance of the whole world... Screaming and crying, but I wouldn't either. Rachel's dreams: Populated by ghosts.That tension - attention - makes life worth living. Simulated year on spacecraft Part 1: Literature Rediscovered in the East. Part 2: The Dream (of Love) Latest news from doomsday, nightmare bulletin that I wrote on a fogged window - was warned. Celebrity storytelling, sunrise on whats real - soft blues. Quote, "Listen closer." Hell froze over. Quote, "If others live - do you?" Listen closer - hell froze over and frosted on my windowpane above Mary's glass candle the snow in February secret life in the pipes ice cave. How does this contingent world hold yourself up? How does it contain all of you? In sound the musician's primitive cast of history what I read of Adrian's life. Quiet for a second, three seconds. Simulated year on spacecraft Part 3: Learning to Act (Celebrity) Part 4: Music and its Fundamentals I'm counting on two things: The rain and the sunrise. The rain keeps them inside, the warmth cleans up. Running outside, the bleed, orange, blue-hued. Entertainment pulled back. My calm on pause. If I only knew...2-3-0-6-1-3...Numbers from my hero. If I only knew...Its 2:50 in the afternoon. This idea: Newsfeed from doomsday, AI broadcast, simulation on the screen - bad dream - fell in love with the simulation on the screen - bad dream. Your dreams populated by ghosts. Screaming and crying, I wouldn't either. I haven't gotten the feedback that I need from watching the sleepers. Simulated year on spacecraft Part 5: Athletics Part 6: Watching the Sleepers Things I no longer am: God-witted, a thinker. It takes 30 minutes or so to walk past the courses a thousand times over. I wish I had taken it more seriously, instead of God-addled, the quiet years. Instead of God-witted, a thinker. The days at hand are filled with a growing sense of horror. Your family dies a slow death in the West. Everyday weekend, afternoon contact. I'm hungry - slow. Patient - but slower. Your words have become my food. The world has completely softened. I passed time with a companion and left my old past-times to rot. I should have known...To wit, balked at. I should have known, more...A ghost, more... My second ghost, left behind on Oregon coast. Bed-ridden. Its grey,beaming facade. Anyway, I'm happier now and beaming more often. Confronting more pleasure than I ever worked on conceiving before. I'm in Ghost World 3. The curse - they're crawling all over me now. Ever-waking, shook, the itch. How the heat can burn and itch all over. When you're hungry, that's the worst. And their smiles can burn straight through. When you're hungry, that's the worst. It's an irritant when you're hungry. And in the heat, the way everyone perks up - that's the worst of all. Would you take your happiness if offered only with paranoia? A slight stir - and they're racing ahead of me now. They've gotten everything they ever wanted. So I've stopped speaking with all of you and I'm happier than ever. It's worth it to humble yourself, because after you've had enough stripped away you realize what it is that you need and who might need you. So keep tough luck to yourself, play it close to the chest, keep tough love to yourself, play it close to the chest, sharpen it, spin it back forward paid out in kindness. New accounts: the warmth sent back. Pleased to meet you. I'm entering my third life-cycle, so may the earth dissolve away, end now, full stop. Pleased to meet you. There he goes - long gone, in zone zero. You yourself may not eat enough, but your words themselves become my food. When I'm hungry that's the worst. Can I get tired of these easy caresses? I hope not. I didn't have the character to break even, I didn't have the guts to tell the truth. But the skin started breaking out to let me know beforehand that the joy shows through.